The ever recurring "tone of voice"!!!

Not that any of you have this issue but if you do.....I have been of the belief that every man suffers from a "tone of voice" issue. You know that intonation in their voice that communicates " duh are you stupid!?" I have been of this belief since early in our marriage. NOW as the mother of a 16 year old male, I am convinced of it! He has that same intonation whenever I ask a question!


Here is the thing....I was also convinced that no woman lest of all myself would ever have tone of voice issue! It just isn't in our makeup...ALAS...until one of my lovely friends commented the other day ( as we were discussing this issue) that she was pointing out to her husband that she did not like his tone and he replied," have you ever listened to yourself?" YIKES...is it possible? Do we as women suffer from that intonation also? Do we communicate in our tone, " duh are you stupid?"

One proud dad!

We just had some really cool news in the Laffoon family. Our son Torrey was selected to the National Honor Society as a Sophomore and Grace was announced as the 2nd best reader in all of 4th grade!

I guess I'm proud of my kids for a couple of reasons...OBVIOUSLY these are great academic accomplishments. But the real reason I am so proud is that they have accomplished something I never did or really even could have done...
You see, I wasn't very academic in school. In fact my moto in college was "never let academics interfere with your college education"...HA.

Laura and I want our kids to develop the gifts and abilities that God has given THEM...We're not looking for little clones of ourselves. We are excited to see what God has created in our kids that is unique and that will bless the world in ways we never dreamed possible.

Look for and find the "Thumb Print of God" on your kids or wife or co-worker today and encourage them to be everything they ever dreamed they could be!

Blessings~

Jay

Peddling FAST!

We've been peddling fast these last couple of weeks getting through this edit of our latest book (due out January 15th, 2008) getting our new program ready for our Spring Conference season and putting together an internet based program we are launching this summer.

In the midst of all that we got away for a few days to Atlanta over Spring Break. Yes Laura Torrey and I got to go to the Masters and Yes Grace got to go to two different zoo's, but it was hardly a vacation...

I'm convinced any time family is involved you can call it a trip, you can call it travel, but vacation it is not! Vacation for me involves three things...Golf, Sun and REST...Rest is the key ingredient for a well deserved vacation...and unfortunately we saw very little REST.

Non-the-less, we did enjoy our time away and were able to hit the pavement running when we got home...

Our spring conference is upon us and I hope we will see you and your spouse "Celebrating Your Marriage" sometime soon.

Blessings~

Jay

My wife loves CHOCOLATE more than she loves ME!

Our family decided that we were going to give something up for the Lenten season this year...Grace gave up candy and the rest of us gave up sweets of all kinds.

Tonight at dinner Laura was lamenting about how much she missed chocolate. "40 days with out the one thing I love more than ANYTHING!" she pined.

I turned to Grace and said "did you hear your mother...she loves chocolate more than me!" to which Grace replied "Dad, I love chocolate more than you too!"

Wow, can a get a bit of sympathy...

Eminem called me!

I'm driving to Traverse City for a show friday night when my cell phone rings...I answered..."This is Jay" to which I hear in a very street wise tone "Yo~ "Dre" this is Marshall". Now I suspected this was one of my comedian friends playing a joke so I played along...
"Marshall who?"
"Marshall Mathers" came the reply
Now I'm not big on pop culture but I do know that Marshall Mathers is the Rap star Eminem.
"Marshal, what can I do for you?"
"Dude, I want you to be on my next cd"
"What do ya want me to do?"
"Freestyle"
"Freestyle what?" I couldn't believe I was having this conversation...
"Dude this is "Slim Shady" and I want you on my cd"
"Well hey this is Fat and Sassy and I don't know if I can"
I carried on with the conversation just waiting for the voice on the end to break character and he never did, he insisted I was "Dr. Dre" and that he got my phone number from a reliable source...Then, I told him I was a minister...
At that point I KNEW it was REALLY Eminem, because he launched into a litany of curse words...some I hadn't heard in quite a while...
I'll never forget my phone call from a Rap star...I've tried to call him back a few times but have not gotten through...who knows maybe the Lord will use this as a ministry opportuntiy...
What fun!

The power of Laughter!

We've had a stressful few weeks here at Celebrate headquarters...
Book Deadlines
Conference Deadlines
Radio Interviews and...
Two of our best friends are moving from Alma.

My family will tell you it's had dad a bit edgy...ok GRUMPY the last few weeks.

Tonight at dinner that all changed, Laura fixed a great meal, the kids were talking about seeing the first robin and were telling jokes they had heard in school.

Seeing how making people laugh is part of what I do for a living, I thought I'd chime in with an old familiar "Knock Knock" joke. I proceeded to masacre this simple joke at which time the family burst out in laughter and began mocking me incessantly.

At first, I was upset and almost cut loose with a tirade! But then I realized what I'd been missing these last few weeks...a good HARD LAUGH!

We laughed so hard Laura had food coming out her NOSE! Which of course made us all laugh even more~

Laughter is POWERFUL...the Bible calls it "good medicine" why don't you take a dose today...it sure cured me!

Blessings~
Jay

A great weekend in Lansing

Our first Celebrate Your Marriage Lansing is in the history books and boy were we blessed!

The couples attending had to battle "March coming in like a Lion" weather, but that didn't dampen their spirits! David Dean and Dan Seaborn did an outstanding job presenting life changing messages for marriage, along with our world class teaching of course :-)

David shared lessons he learned from his parents. How to Laugh, Listen and Love your way to a better marriage. And Dan Seaborn poignantly reminded us of the importance of prayer in a marriage relationship.

Many thanks to our Co-sponsors Smile FM and Compassion International for helping us pull off a great weekend helping marriages Celebrate!

The importance of TOUCH

Our Gracie has been sick with a fever for the last couple of days and with a conference coming up FRIDAY in Lansing, I (Jay) have been a bit paranoid about germs (Laura is only paranoid about bridges over water...I on the other hand have much paranoia). We've been washing sheets and blankets, disinfecting everything she lays her hands on and basically avoiding all contact with her.

Last night she was crying because she hadn't gotten a "real hug" in days...at that point I put the paranoia behind and gave Gracie a "big daddy bear hug". Then promptly took a scalding hot shower!

It did get me thinking of how important touch is to EVERY human being. This is especially true in marriage. Studies show that women in particular need 7 (seven) significant non-sexual touches a day in order to feel loved. As a man, there is little I enjoy more than sitting next to my wife and holding her hand.

So...where's your touch meter today? Have you gotten your recommended daily requirements?

So what d'ya think?

Jay and I were reading an e-article this weekend and the discussion continues regarding the institution of marriage and the mystery of marriage. We are putting an excerpt in from this article because it caused discussion in our house and wondered what your thoughts were.

"A couple's sex life is the number one best barometer of how well their
marriage is going," said Dr. John Friel, psychologist and bestselling
author.

Marriage, he says, is by definition a sexual relationship, and if sex has
gone by the wayside, so too has the marriage. If you are in a sexless
marriage, "you can't call it a marriage. You can call it a friendship. You
can call it a working, parenting relationship."

Could this help define the institution? " working parent relationsip"

"They're really good business partners in the business of shuttling their
kids from one hockey game to the next, going to band practices, making sure
homework gets done," said Friel, who stressed letting a marriage's sex life
die shouldn't be an option for those who want to stay happily married,
"because it isn't about sex. It's about being connected and about nurturing
each other."

Institution is about the business of marriage and the Mystery is about connecting and nurturing....

What do you think?

Do you share the PASSION?

Here is a quote from friends of ours on how their heart beats for marriage...

"Our hearts lie with Christian couples in churches and the many hidden struggles they go through. We are passionate about helping to restore marriage in the church so that the world can see God's design for marriage and the example he provided in the way Christ related to the church." Brian & Lisa

Are there others of you out there that share this passion with Brian, Lisa, Laura and myself? Let us know by writing a comment below...even if it's just an "AMEN" or "YES" we'd love to hear from you!

Which is it?

Okay so we are in some discussion in our home. We need your help in clarifying some ideas. I am going to give you two phrases. Read them, contemplate them, mull them over in your head and then let us know what comes to your mind!

1. the institution of marriage
2. the mystery of marriage

We look forward to hearing what you have to say! We will publish in future blogs what others are saying and final conclusions we come to.

I wish someone would have TOLD ME!

Barry Foster is a good friend who invited me to preach at his church in Hudsonville last night. After the service, the church sponosred an "Ultimate Date Night" where I made the couples laugh, sing and think about their marriage.

What was cool, was the number of very young couples in the audience of this VERY TRADITIONAL church.

Barry explained that the reason they attracted so many young couples is because of an ongoing "Pre-Marital" class the church hosts. Young engaged couples looking to start off on the right foot come through the class and end up making the church their home.

I wish there had been a class like that when Laura and I were engaged!

How does your church help engaged couples?

AHHHH! Saturday!

I love Saturdays! Especially when Jay and I have one together. Because of our speaking schedules it is rare that we get a saturday at home and even more rare that we are home on a saturday at the same time! Today we did our taxes ~which is a test of your marriage! We enjoyed spending the afternoon living vicarously through the pro-golfers on tv. Golf and sunshine! What could be better!

What is your favorite way to spend a saturday?

~Laura

The toughest best thing...

Last night as an extension of Valentines day, our couples small group did an excercise that was extrememly tough but was so cool. We prayed out loud, thanking the Lord for the character qualities of our spouse.

It was tough (ok especially as a man)to verbalize the things that God has blessed me with in the character of Laura without getting too emotional. It was tough because it is easier to see the iritating or annoying things in her character. It was tough because I'm basically a WIMP!

It was the BEST, because their is NOTHINGthat will endear you to your spouse like publically lifting them before the Father. It was the best because it reminded me of the blessing I have been given. It was the best because Laura thanked God for my SEXY SEXY body (NO LIE)!

What are your thoughts on praying with and for your spouse?

I am the PERFECT MAN! Sometimes...

Have you seen the Victoria’s Secret Valentine commercial where the VS Supermodels sit around wearing next to nothing talking about the qualities of “The Perfect Man”? Last night Laura and I were sitting in our chair together when that commercial swept across our screen. Supermodels eloquently articulating in various European accents character qualities like: He’s funny, cute, and adventurous, with eyes that sparkle…yada yada yada.

I turned to Laura and smugly said “Hey, you’ve married the PERFECT MAN!”. My lovely bride of 20+ years quickly grabbed the remote from my hand; hit the rewind button on the MOXI in order to assess my brash statement. As she replayed the commercial she literally held her hands up, digits ready to tick off on one hand the qualities I possess and the other hand ready for those I do not.

At the conclusion of the 30 second spot her “yes” hand was full to over flowing and her “no” hand was as empty as a robins nest in winter. I just smiled the smile of contentment to which she replied (with that tone that implies “you may be right but you still can’t birth a child”) “SO?” Last night my wife discovered what so many women fail to see, that they HAVE married the PERFECT MAN…sometimes. He’s just NOT the perfect man 24/7.

Likewise, if a bunch of hunky men were to sit around and describe the PERFECT WOMAN, we would ultimately be describinn our wives…SOMETIMES. None of us can live up to perfection, nor should we. What makes marriage ROCK, what helps couples keep the fun, romance and passion, is when we LOOK for the good, noble, and right in our spouse instead of those things that aren’t.

So…go home tonight and share with that man or woman of yours why you think THEY ARE the PERFECT SPOUSE for you!

Celebrate!

Jay

Here’s a thought for this Valentine’s Day:

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

Tell us ways in which you “give” to the one you love by clicking on "comment" below.


Jay

44!
I am now old! I celebrated my 44th birthday yesterday. Every one asks, "do you feel older?" I have decided that one only feels as old as one acts! Age is a state of the mind. I kow some really young 60 year olds and some really old 25 year olds.

I believe that you become the people that you hang around and the books you read. I am currently spending alot of time with my nine year old and reading Dr. SUess! Just kidding...

Birthdays are another day to be reminded of the great gift of life that we have in Jesus. He was born in order to die for us. What were you born for? To complain and whine? OR .. to create and rejoice? Surround yourself with people and books that will enable you to be a creator and rejoicer. Celebrate you God has made you and what He created you for!

For Women Only!

Okay so I read this quote the other day and it was so great that I wanted to share it with you! Of course I will have to comment also!

" I find it amazing that a woman would marry a man and then complain because he continues to act like one"! - Created to be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl

I love this statement! Because it is so true! We begin at a young age dreaming of the man we are going to marry. What will he look like? What will he do? What will his name be? What will our kids look like? What will I wear on my wedding day?! Then we begin the search for the perfect man. We may search long and hard or it may be a short and sweet search. When we find the perfect man, we are overjoyed! Life will begin now!

A short time into the marriage, reality hits! ( the time will be different for everyone!) He is not what I expected! I thought he was the perfect man and now I found out he is just a man?

EXACTLY!!!! He is a man. The man you dreamed of your entire life so quit your complaining! I do get tired of wives who want their husbands to be more like a woman, sharing emotions, being touchy feely, domestic, able to multi-task, care about colors and decorating. OR WHATEVER! You married a man and that is what he is.

Celebrate today the man God created and gave to you!

Things kids say!

The other evening we had sat down to a family dinner, Torrey and Grace were keeping us in stitches with their recounts of the day. Torrey began to impart his knowledge of probabilties that he is learning in school. He was sharing with us that there is a 4.5% chance that he will meet his future wife on the Celebrate Cruise in November. To which Grace replied, without missing a step, " yeah and there is a 4.5% chance that I will marry a prince."!

Today as I was chauffering both kids to school, Grace to a friend's after school, Torrey to a job ( can't wait unti he is driving!), and then back again...I realised that I would not change the privilege God has granted me in having these two hilariously funny and amazingly intellligent human beings in my life. Don't get me wrong, there are many moments I would let someone else have them! But only for a season!

Family is a both a gift and a privilege that God has granted each of us. Whether you are a parent, an aunt, an uncle, a grandma, a grandpa....we have been blessed with family.

Celebrate your famiy with us at Celebrate's newest conference just for families of all shapes and sizes! Celebrate Your Family in November at Boyne Mountain in MIchigan! Check out www.celebratenet.com for more details!

Hormones! In our house, when hormones are kicking in...Laura's alter ego appears! Her name is MONE - A ( pronounced "mona") Jay figured he could not very well take the beginning of this word and name her alter ego! Plus moaning is what I do! Actually moaning and much groaning. I have always been a low key person in comparison to the other people in my household. Lately, thought MONE-A is a frequent visitor. I must be honest and say she is not a very welcome one either.

In my younger days, I used to hear older women talk about the changes they experienced with hormones and I laughed! I always said I was not going to be that way. I was sure one could conquer this very ugly hormone battle that wages within! I WAS WRONG!

The other evening, MONE-A appeared out of nowhere and viciously attacked( verbally) my dazed and confused husband! It was like an out of body experience. On the one hand I was cheering MONE-A on and on the other hand I was ready to slap her! When it was over, Jay and I went to sleep overwhelmed with the reality of this visitor who seemed to have taken over my body! The next morning, it was comical yet scary!

This morning, two days after our night time visitor, Jay decided to offer me words of manly wisdom. He looked at me directly in the eyes and said, " Honey, you got to get control of MONE-A"!!!! I laughed so loudly, that I offended him. He was serious, and so was I ! Like I can control her!

Life is not always funny. Love is not always ooey-gooey. Yet, in spite of circumstances, we know that the Lord is in control! He can give us the grace and mercy to live with the MONE-A in our life. ( or whatever alter ego may exist within your or your spouse!)