The University of California at Berkeley just released a study showing that couples who say "we" instead of "me" are happier. http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/22748
We have been marriage educators for 15 years and are strong proponents of the concept studied by UC Berkeley. In our book The Spark –Igniting Passion Mystery and Romance in Your Marriage. (Baker Publishing 2008). We discuss the purpose of marriage and how to build intimacy in all aspects of your relationship.
One of the key ways we tell couples they can become closer/more intimate is to eliminate the words I, me, and my from their vocabulary and replace them with we, us, and ours. Couples are amazed at how this one simple act impacts attitudes toward each other. This is also a particularly powerful tool when dealing with children. As most parents know children will play mom and dad against each other.
When approached by a child or teen about a subject that could prove controversial (ie spending the night at a friend’s house where you don’t know the family) operating as a single unit (we) can provide incredible stability and structure to the family. Simply answer the child by saying “That’s something your mom and I need to discuss and when we have and answer we’ll get back to you.”
We’re grateful to UC Berkley for quantifying this time tested truth!
Celebrate Your Marriage~~
Jay and Laura
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
A Marriage Question not a Political Question
As you read this PLEASE know I'm not making a Political statement here...just got me thinking.
It is said by many "pundits" that Barack Obama never has and never will admit that he is wrong. It made me ask the question, how would that translate in his marriage?
Never admitting your wrong in any relationship leads to hurt feelings, lifelong emotional scars, and dysfunction that is unimaginable.
To never admit you're wrong in marriage means that your marriage will never experience the POWER of forgiveness the JOY of grace received or the DEEP LOVE that comes from reconciliation.
My mom has said that great marriages are made by two great forgivers...I disagree, I think great marriages are made by THREE great forgivers. The Father has shown us how, now we need to trust each other, admit when we're wrong and forgive.
Never admitting your wrong may be good "politics" but it's lousy on relationships.
What do you think?
Celebrate!
Jay
It is said by many "pundits" that Barack Obama never has and never will admit that he is wrong. It made me ask the question, how would that translate in his marriage?
Never admitting your wrong in any relationship leads to hurt feelings, lifelong emotional scars, and dysfunction that is unimaginable.
To never admit you're wrong in marriage means that your marriage will never experience the POWER of forgiveness the JOY of grace received or the DEEP LOVE that comes from reconciliation.
My mom has said that great marriages are made by two great forgivers...I disagree, I think great marriages are made by THREE great forgivers. The Father has shown us how, now we need to trust each other, admit when we're wrong and forgive.
Never admitting your wrong may be good "politics" but it's lousy on relationships.
What do you think?
Celebrate!
Jay
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Do you like Pina Colada's?
Do you remember the old 70's song entitled "The Pina Colada Song"?
The song tells the story of a man and a woman who've lost the "magic" of their relationship and in the pre-electronic age of the 70's took out a "personal ad" in their local newspaper...for you younger folks think Craig's List or Match.com...
In her Ad she writes:
"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape"
After reading the ad he responds:
"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."
They meet in the bar and realize the love that they were DREAMING of had been at their side all along.
Many marriages fall into a similar routine where couples just take each other for granted not realizing that the TRUE man or woman of your dreams is already right by your side!
So...do something crazy...share a Pina Colada...take a walk in the rain or snow...make love tonight at midnight (even though its SOOOO late) just do something that reminds you that you did marry the man or woman of your dreams!
Celebrate!
J&L
The song tells the story of a man and a woman who've lost the "magic" of their relationship and in the pre-electronic age of the 70's took out a "personal ad" in their local newspaper...for you younger folks think Craig's List or Match.com...
In her Ad she writes:
"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape"
After reading the ad he responds:
"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."
They meet in the bar and realize the love that they were DREAMING of had been at their side all along.
Many marriages fall into a similar routine where couples just take each other for granted not realizing that the TRUE man or woman of your dreams is already right by your side!
So...do something crazy...share a Pina Colada...take a walk in the rain or snow...make love tonight at midnight (even though its SOOOO late) just do something that reminds you that you did marry the man or woman of your dreams!
Celebrate!
J&L
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
A question for the ladies~
Ladies, do you remember when you were in Jr and Sr high school how your mom would pull you aside before a dance or party and say: "Now you be careful around those boys...you know boys only 'think' about one thing!"
So here's my question ladies...why when you are sitting silently with your husband do you ask: "What are you 'thinking'"?
Well?
Jay
So here's my question ladies...why when you are sitting silently with your husband do you ask: "What are you 'thinking'"?
Well?
Jay
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
God Enjoys A Good Laugh!
This came across our desk today...all very compelling arguments!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He got up because there was still work to do
Remember to laugh out loud...it's good for your health!!
J&L
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He got up because there was still work to do
Remember to laugh out loud...it's good for your health!!
J&L
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