NOTHING! At least that's what Laura says about Jay
In our new book He Said She Said we surveyed over 1000 married people on communication. On a whim we added one simple question at the end of the survey. "If you could change one thing about the opposite sex, what would it be?" OVERWHELMINGLY the women said they wished men would PAY ATTENTION!
Again what's so surprising is that most men don't realize how much they "MISS" in their marriage with their kids and especially when it comes to their wives! It makes a wife feel special when the husband notices that new hair cut and equally it makes her feel insignificant when he doesn't.
When a husband can "just tell" his wife has had a bad day and then asks her about it, she feels respected and cared for as a woman. Similarly when dad notices the kids tone of voice with mom is not appropriate and then addresses the issue without mom asking him to do so it makes her feel that she is his priority.
So guys here's the question: Why can't you pay attention to the little things?
Gotta go, Laura's coming back from the hair salon!
J&L
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
What men would change about WOMEN!
In our new book He Said She Said we surveyed over 1000 married people on communication. On a whim we added one simple question at the end of the survey. "If you could change one thing about the opposite sex, what would it be?" OVERWHELMINGLY the men said they wished women would stop COMPLAINING!
What's surprising is that most women don't think they complain all that much. Women don't see comments like "This meat is hard to chew" as a complaint, but a man is thinking "At least you have something to eat." This striking difference in men and women was brought to the forefront by the reaction of many to an article written by Lori Gottleib entitled Marry Him! for The Atlantic.
Defending her article in a recent Washington Post interview Gottleib shares.
The majority of single women who responded to a survey I sent out said that getting 80 percent of what they wanted in a mate would be "settling." The majority of single men said finding a woman with 80 percent of what they wanted would be "a catch." For these women, it seemed, "settling" meant not much less than "everything."
It seems from both our survey and Ms. Gottleibs that unless everything is PERFECT women, married or not just aren't going to be happy.
So ladies here's the question: Why can't you just be happy?
Tomorrow we tackle what women would change about men!
J&L
What's surprising is that most women don't think they complain all that much. Women don't see comments like "This meat is hard to chew" as a complaint, but a man is thinking "At least you have something to eat." This striking difference in men and women was brought to the forefront by the reaction of many to an article written by Lori Gottleib entitled Marry Him! for The Atlantic.
Defending her article in a recent Washington Post interview Gottleib shares.
The majority of single women who responded to a survey I sent out said that getting 80 percent of what they wanted in a mate would be "settling." The majority of single men said finding a woman with 80 percent of what they wanted would be "a catch." For these women, it seemed, "settling" meant not much less than "everything."
It seems from both our survey and Ms. Gottleibs that unless everything is PERFECT women, married or not just aren't going to be happy.
So ladies here's the question: Why can't you just be happy?
Tomorrow we tackle what women would change about men!
J&L
Friday, February 05, 2010
Do You Coach? Do You Know a Coach?
This summer Laura and I are partnering with Pro Athlete Outreach to present three outstanding weekends for Coaches and their spouse. We will be in:
Charlotte, NC June 4-6
St. Louis, MO June 11-13
Detroit, MI July 16-18
For Coaches Time Out weekend retreat. These weekends are designed to equip and encourage coaches at all levels helping them use their coaching platform to influence and model Christ-like values.
Because of GENEROUS donors the TOTAL cost for the retreat is $195.00/couple!
The weekend includes:
2 nights hotel stay
All meals
Conference fee & materials
One of the highlights for me (Jay) will be meeting (At the Detroit conference) my childhood hero Detroit Lion Hall of Fame corner back Lem Barney!
Not an active coach? You can still join us at the regular conference rate!
Hope to see you there!
J&L
Charlotte, NC June 4-6
St. Louis, MO June 11-13
Detroit, MI July 16-18
For Coaches Time Out weekend retreat. These weekends are designed to equip and encourage coaches at all levels helping them use their coaching platform to influence and model Christ-like values.
Because of GENEROUS donors the TOTAL cost for the retreat is $195.00/couple!
The weekend includes:
2 nights hotel stay
All meals
Conference fee & materials
One of the highlights for me (Jay) will be meeting (At the Detroit conference) my childhood hero Detroit Lion Hall of Fame corner back Lem Barney!
Not an active coach? You can still join us at the regular conference rate!
Hope to see you there!
J&L
Thursday, February 04, 2010
What Tim Tebow's Superbowl Ad means for your marriage.
It's Super Bowl week and this year that means controversy over the advertisement Focus on the Family has taken out featuring Tim Tebow.
What is astounding frankly is the outrage over this ad that simply tells Tim's life story in 30 seconds. The National Organization of Women and other political groups are up in arms because Tim's mom made a CHOICE...it's simply not the choice these organizations would like women to make. On the contrary it was a choice that was self-less rather than self-serving.
For a great read from a national media outlet check out Washington Post columnist Sally Jenkins article
So what does this mean for your marriage? Simple, much like Mrs. Tebow made a choice to keep Tim, we in marriage have to CHOOSE. Choose to be self-less rather than self-serving. Choose to put your spouses needs above your own. Choose to honor your vows and commitment.
You chose at the alter
You choose everyday
It's your CHOICE!
Blessings~
J&L
What is astounding frankly is the outrage over this ad that simply tells Tim's life story in 30 seconds. The National Organization of Women and other political groups are up in arms because Tim's mom made a CHOICE...it's simply not the choice these organizations would like women to make. On the contrary it was a choice that was self-less rather than self-serving.
For a great read from a national media outlet check out Washington Post columnist Sally Jenkins article
So what does this mean for your marriage? Simple, much like Mrs. Tebow made a choice to keep Tim, we in marriage have to CHOOSE. Choose to be self-less rather than self-serving. Choose to put your spouses needs above your own. Choose to honor your vows and commitment.
You chose at the alter
You choose everyday
It's your CHOICE!
Blessings~
J&L
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
We just can't make this stuff up!
People ask us all the time if the stories we write about or tell on stage are true. Of course they are true, and here's photographic proof.
Last night I was frustrated because my shaving lotion wasn't pumping properly out of the bottle. So after showering we came down stairs and I was bound and determined to find the cause of the blockage.
Being a dutiful wife, Laura offered her assistance as I attempted to "fix" the pump. For those of you who don't know me well, I am "mechanically challenged" to say the least! More often than not I break things that I am trying to fix. Well last night was no different...
While prying the lid off the container, it never occurred to either Laura or myself that the contents might be under pressure. The precise moment we found out was when the bottle EXPLODED! Shaving cream could then be found all over our kitchen counter, on the kitchen ceiling, and most importantly...all over Laura. Ironically not a drop was to be found on me!
So the next time you wonder...does that REALLY happen to Jay & Laura? Remember, you've seen it first hand!
Blessings~
J&L
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
He was BEAMING!
This weekend in Gaylord, we ran into our good friends Randy and Karen Kruzel. Ever since Karen was in High School(Randy is a taaaaad bit older) anyone who knew them knew they were going to get married. They'll celebrate 25 years of marriage here in 2010!
Anyway I want to give you a little background on Randy. He is what most people would call "A man's man". Randy was a state champion wrestler in high school who's body is as rock hard as it was when he was 18. He owns an excavating business and works with big machinery all day long. He hunts and still plays basketball and softball at full tilt. No one who knows Randy would ever accuse him of being "soft".
I say all of that because he really impressed me with the way he talked about Karen after our show. He was relaying how at this point in their life they have a lot more time together and how they absolutely love being together.
What really struck me as amazing was the glow that came to Randy's face as he was talking about his wife. I mean he was BEAMING like a bride on her wedding day! He was giddy, his eyes danced and you could just tell that this "Man's Man" was in love!
Whether you are a "Man's Man" or not, the next time you are talking about your spouse remember that glow that comes from the love you share...having trouble look at your wedding photo's and remember the spouse of your youth~~
Thanks Randy for inspiring ME!
Jay~
Anyway I want to give you a little background on Randy. He is what most people would call "A man's man". Randy was a state champion wrestler in high school who's body is as rock hard as it was when he was 18. He owns an excavating business and works with big machinery all day long. He hunts and still plays basketball and softball at full tilt. No one who knows Randy would ever accuse him of being "soft".
I say all of that because he really impressed me with the way he talked about Karen after our show. He was relaying how at this point in their life they have a lot more time together and how they absolutely love being together.
What really struck me as amazing was the glow that came to Randy's face as he was talking about his wife. I mean he was BEAMING like a bride on her wedding day! He was giddy, his eyes danced and you could just tell that this "Man's Man" was in love!
Whether you are a "Man's Man" or not, the next time you are talking about your spouse remember that glow that comes from the love you share...having trouble look at your wedding photo's and remember the spouse of your youth~~
Thanks Randy for inspiring ME!
Jay~
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Change your marriage TODAY!
The University of California at Berkeley just released a study showing that couples who say "we" instead of "me" are happier. http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/22748
We have been marriage educators for 15 years and are strong proponents of the concept studied by UC Berkeley. In our book The Spark –Igniting Passion Mystery and Romance in Your Marriage. (Baker Publishing 2008). We discuss the purpose of marriage and how to build intimacy in all aspects of your relationship.
One of the key ways we tell couples they can become closer/more intimate is to eliminate the words I, me, and my from their vocabulary and replace them with we, us, and ours. Couples are amazed at how this one simple act impacts attitudes toward each other. This is also a particularly powerful tool when dealing with children. As most parents know children will play mom and dad against each other.
When approached by a child or teen about a subject that could prove controversial (ie spending the night at a friend’s house where you don’t know the family) operating as a single unit (we) can provide incredible stability and structure to the family. Simply answer the child by saying “That’s something your mom and I need to discuss and when we have and answer we’ll get back to you.”
We’re grateful to UC Berkley for quantifying this time tested truth!
Celebrate Your Marriage~~
Jay and Laura
We have been marriage educators for 15 years and are strong proponents of the concept studied by UC Berkeley. In our book The Spark –Igniting Passion Mystery and Romance in Your Marriage. (Baker Publishing 2008). We discuss the purpose of marriage and how to build intimacy in all aspects of your relationship.
One of the key ways we tell couples they can become closer/more intimate is to eliminate the words I, me, and my from their vocabulary and replace them with we, us, and ours. Couples are amazed at how this one simple act impacts attitudes toward each other. This is also a particularly powerful tool when dealing with children. As most parents know children will play mom and dad against each other.
When approached by a child or teen about a subject that could prove controversial (ie spending the night at a friend’s house where you don’t know the family) operating as a single unit (we) can provide incredible stability and structure to the family. Simply answer the child by saying “That’s something your mom and I need to discuss and when we have and answer we’ll get back to you.”
We’re grateful to UC Berkley for quantifying this time tested truth!
Celebrate Your Marriage~~
Jay and Laura
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