The importance of TOUCH

Our Gracie has been sick with a fever for the last couple of days and with a conference coming up FRIDAY in Lansing, I (Jay) have been a bit paranoid about germs (Laura is only paranoid about bridges over water...I on the other hand have much paranoia). We've been washing sheets and blankets, disinfecting everything she lays her hands on and basically avoiding all contact with her.

Last night she was crying because she hadn't gotten a "real hug" in days...at that point I put the paranoia behind and gave Gracie a "big daddy bear hug". Then promptly took a scalding hot shower!

It did get me thinking of how important touch is to EVERY human being. This is especially true in marriage. Studies show that women in particular need 7 (seven) significant non-sexual touches a day in order to feel loved. As a man, there is little I enjoy more than sitting next to my wife and holding her hand.

So...where's your touch meter today? Have you gotten your recommended daily requirements?

So what d'ya think?

Jay and I were reading an e-article this weekend and the discussion continues regarding the institution of marriage and the mystery of marriage. We are putting an excerpt in from this article because it caused discussion in our house and wondered what your thoughts were.

"A couple's sex life is the number one best barometer of how well their
marriage is going," said Dr. John Friel, psychologist and bestselling
author.

Marriage, he says, is by definition a sexual relationship, and if sex has
gone by the wayside, so too has the marriage. If you are in a sexless
marriage, "you can't call it a marriage. You can call it a friendship. You
can call it a working, parenting relationship."

Could this help define the institution? " working parent relationsip"

"They're really good business partners in the business of shuttling their
kids from one hockey game to the next, going to band practices, making sure
homework gets done," said Friel, who stressed letting a marriage's sex life
die shouldn't be an option for those who want to stay happily married,
"because it isn't about sex. It's about being connected and about nurturing
each other."

Institution is about the business of marriage and the Mystery is about connecting and nurturing....

What do you think?

Do you share the PASSION?

Here is a quote from friends of ours on how their heart beats for marriage...

"Our hearts lie with Christian couples in churches and the many hidden struggles they go through. We are passionate about helping to restore marriage in the church so that the world can see God's design for marriage and the example he provided in the way Christ related to the church." Brian & Lisa

Are there others of you out there that share this passion with Brian, Lisa, Laura and myself? Let us know by writing a comment below...even if it's just an "AMEN" or "YES" we'd love to hear from you!

Which is it?

Okay so we are in some discussion in our home. We need your help in clarifying some ideas. I am going to give you two phrases. Read them, contemplate them, mull them over in your head and then let us know what comes to your mind!

1. the institution of marriage
2. the mystery of marriage

We look forward to hearing what you have to say! We will publish in future blogs what others are saying and final conclusions we come to.

I wish someone would have TOLD ME!

Barry Foster is a good friend who invited me to preach at his church in Hudsonville last night. After the service, the church sponosred an "Ultimate Date Night" where I made the couples laugh, sing and think about their marriage.

What was cool, was the number of very young couples in the audience of this VERY TRADITIONAL church.

Barry explained that the reason they attracted so many young couples is because of an ongoing "Pre-Marital" class the church hosts. Young engaged couples looking to start off on the right foot come through the class and end up making the church their home.

I wish there had been a class like that when Laura and I were engaged!

How does your church help engaged couples?

AHHHH! Saturday!

I love Saturdays! Especially when Jay and I have one together. Because of our speaking schedules it is rare that we get a saturday at home and even more rare that we are home on a saturday at the same time! Today we did our taxes ~which is a test of your marriage! We enjoyed spending the afternoon living vicarously through the pro-golfers on tv. Golf and sunshine! What could be better!

What is your favorite way to spend a saturday?

~Laura

The toughest best thing...

Last night as an extension of Valentines day, our couples small group did an excercise that was extrememly tough but was so cool. We prayed out loud, thanking the Lord for the character qualities of our spouse.

It was tough (ok especially as a man)to verbalize the things that God has blessed me with in the character of Laura without getting too emotional. It was tough because it is easier to see the iritating or annoying things in her character. It was tough because I'm basically a WIMP!

It was the BEST, because their is NOTHINGthat will endear you to your spouse like publically lifting them before the Father. It was the best because it reminded me of the blessing I have been given. It was the best because Laura thanked God for my SEXY SEXY body (NO LIE)!

What are your thoughts on praying with and for your spouse?

I am the PERFECT MAN! Sometimes...

Have you seen the Victoria’s Secret Valentine commercial where the VS Supermodels sit around wearing next to nothing talking about the qualities of “The Perfect Man”? Last night Laura and I were sitting in our chair together when that commercial swept across our screen. Supermodels eloquently articulating in various European accents character qualities like: He’s funny, cute, and adventurous, with eyes that sparkle…yada yada yada.

I turned to Laura and smugly said “Hey, you’ve married the PERFECT MAN!”. My lovely bride of 20+ years quickly grabbed the remote from my hand; hit the rewind button on the MOXI in order to assess my brash statement. As she replayed the commercial she literally held her hands up, digits ready to tick off on one hand the qualities I possess and the other hand ready for those I do not.

At the conclusion of the 30 second spot her “yes” hand was full to over flowing and her “no” hand was as empty as a robins nest in winter. I just smiled the smile of contentment to which she replied (with that tone that implies “you may be right but you still can’t birth a child”) “SO?” Last night my wife discovered what so many women fail to see, that they HAVE married the PERFECT MAN…sometimes. He’s just NOT the perfect man 24/7.

Likewise, if a bunch of hunky men were to sit around and describe the PERFECT WOMAN, we would ultimately be describinn our wives…SOMETIMES. None of us can live up to perfection, nor should we. What makes marriage ROCK, what helps couples keep the fun, romance and passion, is when we LOOK for the good, noble, and right in our spouse instead of those things that aren’t.

So…go home tonight and share with that man or woman of yours why you think THEY ARE the PERFECT SPOUSE for you!

Celebrate!

Jay

Here’s a thought for this Valentine’s Day:

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

Tell us ways in which you “give” to the one you love by clicking on "comment" below.


Jay