THE KNOTS PRAYER

Dear God,

Please untie the knots
that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,
may nots, and
might nots that find
a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,
would nots and should nots
that obstruct my life.

And most of all, dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind
my heart and my life all of the am nots
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought
that I am not good enough.

Amen.

[forwarded by Jo Bowman] via Mikey's Funnies

OK...so we need your help!

We've got something brewing here for our conferences and need YOUR assistance. Can you please list out the "Best" and "Worst" wedding songs of all time?

Thanks~

J&L

An incredible opportunity to HELP!

Many of you know that we are passionately involved with Compassion International. Compassion is an fabulous organization that helps needy children in third world countries. For over 10 years now we have challenged people to get involved with Compassion and sponsor a child in need.

This Sunday Compassion is hosting a benefit concert at Ryman Auditorium in Nashville that will be shown live on the internet. See the details HERE

Compassion has been on the ground in Haiti since the devastating earth quake and is even now working to help with food water and other supplies. Here's a brief rundown:

We have approximately 15,000 sponsored children in the affected earthquake area. Accounting for each one in detail, individually, has been on ongoing task of our staff (who are also continuing to provide service to the 45,000+ children outside of the earthquake area)
• Haiti staff have filled out at least 10,040 “census” forms in effort to account for program beneficiaries
• So far, Haiti staff have distributed food kits directly to more than 30,000 people (Compassion sponsored children and their family members, as well as pastors and staff people at the churches we partner with) Each kit is intended for several people.
• 25% of food kits provided to church partners are available for distribution to community members who are in need of food but are not Compassion beneficiaries

So remember this Sunday Compassion is hosting a benefit concert at Ryman Auditorium in Nashville that will be shown live on the internet. See the details HERE

We want to encourage you to watch the concert, give generously and tell others about this wonderful opportunity to HELP!

Blessings~
Jay and Laura

In light of Tiger's news conference

This article is used with permission from Walden Counseling.

Increasing sexual provocation in our society has spawned an increase in the number of individuals engaging in a variety of unusual or illicit sexual practices, such as multiple affairs outside of a committed relationship, phone sex, the use of escort services, and computer pornography.
More and more we are seeing illicit sexual practices in the news from prominent figures; sport's heroes and politicians.

We will also see more and more of these individuals and their partners are seeking help.

When it comes to illicit sex offenders...society has begun to accept that they act not for sexual gratification, but rather out of a disturbed need for power, dominance, control or revenge, or a perverted expression of anger.More recently, however, an awareness of brain changes and brain reward associated with sexual behavior has led us to understand that there are also powerful sexual drives that motivate sex offenses.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders, Volume Four describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”

Compulsive sexual behavior symptoms vary in type and severity. Some signs that you may be struggling with compulsive sexual behavior include:

* Your sexual impulses are intense and feel as if they're beyond your control.
* Even though you feel driven to engage in certain sexual behavior, you may or may not find the activity a source of pleasure or satisfaction.
* You use compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress.
* You continue to engage in risky sexual behavior despite serious consequences, such as the potential for getting or giving someone else a sexually transmitted disease, the loss of important relationships, trouble at work or legal problems.
* You have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional closeness, even if you're married or in a committed relationship.

There's a broad range of sexual activities that can be warning signs of compulsive sexual behavior. Examples include:

* Having multiple sexual partners or extramarital affairs
* Having sex with anonymous partners or prostitutes
* Avoiding emotional involvement in sexual relationships
* Using commercial sexually explicit phone and Internet services
* Engaging in excessive masturbation
* Frequently using pornographic materials
* Engaging in masochistic or sadistic sex
* Exhibitionism
* Having a fixation on an unattainable sex partner



If you are interested in learning more...an informative, sourced- site for further explanation on the characteristics of compulsive sexual behavior go to:
http://www.answers.com/topic/paraphilia

She's my Left Handed FREAK of Nature~~

The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

This quote came across my desk this morning and reminded me of how over 25 years of marriage Laura and I have had our fair share of "disagreements"...ok let's just say it KNOCK DOWN DRAG OUT BRAWLS!

We've had many fights over how to do things "RIGHT". You see Laura is left handed...that should tell you EVERYTHING you need to know. To me she does everything backward and to her I do everything backward.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard her say "There's no right way or wrong way to do this." With my mouth I say "your right" but in my mind I know there is a better and BEST way to do it.

Well it's taken 25 years but this first born type "A" personality has finally learned it doesn't matter how one does the dishes or folds the clothes or makes the bed as long as it gets done...BE HAPPY!

So I'm happy! Just wish my socks matched!

Jay

It's the pebble in the pond

We received this incredible video and had to share it with you.

In watching the video it made us want to ask; what is your church doing to build healthy, strong marriages?

Let us know the great things your church is doing to build marriages!

If the answer is "nothing"...we can help! Let us know and we'll help you get a marriage ministry started this MONTH!

Blessings~

J & L

Valentine thoughts

Laura and I are on the road in Fayetteville, AR and Miami, OK this weekend so we thought we'd leave you with some Valentine thoughts~~

The secret of a happy marriage is to only have secrets that, when revealed, will make both people smile. Dr. Gary S. Felton

~ 73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women.

~ About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year. That's the largest seasonal card-sending occasion of the year, next to Christmas.

~ February 14, 270 A.D. : Roman Emperor Claudius II, dubbed "Claudius the Cruel," beheaded a priest named Valentine for performing marriage ceremonies. Claudius II had outlawed marriages when Roman men began refusing to go to war in order to stay with their wives.

~ Hallmark has over 1330 different cards specifically for Valentine's Day.

~ In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

~ In the 17th century a hopeful maiden ate a hard-boiled egg and pinned five bay leaves to her pillow before going to sleep on Valentine's eve. It was believed this would make her dream of her future husband.

~ The Empire State Building in New York City played a prominent role in the movie "Sleepless in Seattle." Each year and average of 15 couples will take (or renew) their vows on the 80th floor of this famous landmark.

~ Wearing a wedding ring on the fourth finger of the left hand dates back to ancient Egypt, where it was believed that the vein of love ran from this finger directly to the heart.

And finally...~ In the United States, 64 percent of men do not make plans in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day with their sweethearts.

HELLO McFly!!!! Get a clue and make your plans now!

Blessings~
J&L

What Women would change about MEN!

NOTHING! At least that's what Laura says about Jay

In our new book He Said She Said we surveyed over 1000 married people on communication. On a whim we added one simple question at the end of the survey. "If you could change one thing about the opposite sex, what would it be?" OVERWHELMINGLY the women said they wished men would PAY ATTENTION!

Again what's so surprising is that most men don't realize how much they "MISS" in their marriage with their kids and especially when it comes to their wives! It makes a wife feel special when the husband notices that new hair cut and equally it makes her feel insignificant when he doesn't.

When a husband can "just tell" his wife has had a bad day and then asks her about it, she feels respected and cared for as a woman. Similarly when dad notices the kids tone of voice with mom is not appropriate and then addresses the issue without mom asking him to do so it makes her feel that she is his priority.

So guys here's the question: Why can't you pay attention to the little things?

Gotta go, Laura's coming back from the hair salon!

J&L

What men would change about WOMEN!

In our new book He Said She Said we surveyed over 1000 married people on communication. On a whim we added one simple question at the end of the survey. "If you could change one thing about the opposite sex, what would it be?" OVERWHELMINGLY the men said they wished women would stop COMPLAINING!

What's surprising is that most women don't think they complain all that much. Women don't see comments like "This meat is hard to chew" as a complaint, but a man is thinking "At least you have something to eat." This striking difference in men and women was brought to the forefront by the reaction of many to an article written by Lori Gottleib entitled Marry Him! for The Atlantic.

Defending her article in a recent Washington Post interview Gottleib shares.

The majority of single women who responded to a survey I sent out said that getting 80 percent of what they wanted in a mate would be "settling." The majority of single men said finding a woman with 80 percent of what they wanted would be "a catch." For these women, it seemed, "settling" meant not much less than "everything."

It seems from both our survey and Ms. Gottleibs that unless everything is PERFECT women, married or not just aren't going to be happy.

So ladies here's the question: Why can't you just be happy?

Tomorrow we tackle what women would change about men!

J&L

Do You Coach? Do You Know a Coach?

This summer Laura and I are partnering with Pro Athlete Outreach to present three outstanding weekends for Coaches and their spouse. We will be in:
Charlotte, NC June 4-6
St. Louis, MO June 11-13
Detroit, MI July 16-18

For Coaches Time Out weekend retreat. These weekends are designed to equip and encourage coaches at all levels helping them use their coaching platform to influence and model Christ-like values.

Because of GENEROUS donors the TOTAL cost for the retreat is $195.00/couple!

The weekend includes:
2 nights hotel stay
All meals
Conference fee & materials

One of the highlights for me (Jay) will be meeting (At the Detroit conference) my childhood hero Detroit Lion Hall of Fame corner back Lem Barney!

Not an active coach? You can still join us at the regular conference rate!

Hope to see you there!
J&L

What Tim Tebow's Superbowl Ad means for your marriage.

It's Super Bowl week and this year that means controversy over the advertisement Focus on the Family has taken out featuring Tim Tebow.

What is astounding frankly is the outrage over this ad that simply tells Tim's life story in 30 seconds. The National Organization of Women and other political groups are up in arms because Tim's mom made a CHOICE...it's simply not the choice these organizations would like women to make. On the contrary it was a choice that was self-less rather than self-serving.

For a great read from a national media outlet check out Washington Post columnist Sally Jenkins article

So what does this mean for your marriage? Simple, much like Mrs. Tebow made a choice to keep Tim, we in marriage have to CHOOSE. Choose to be self-less rather than self-serving. Choose to put your spouses needs above your own. Choose to honor your vows and commitment.

You chose at the alter
You choose everyday
It's your CHOICE!

Blessings~

J&L

We just can't make this stuff up!

People ask us all the time if the stories we write about or tell on stage are true. Of course they are true, and here's photographic proof.

Last night I was frustrated because my shaving lotion wasn't pumping properly out of the bottle. So after showering we came down stairs and I was bound and determined to find the cause of the blockage.

Being a dutiful wife, Laura offered her assistance as I attempted to "fix" the pump. For those of you who don't know me well, I am "mechanically challenged" to say the least! More often than not I break things that I am trying to fix. Well last night was no different...

While prying the lid off the container, it never occurred to either Laura or myself that the contents might be under pressure. The precise moment we found out was when the bottle EXPLODED! Shaving cream could then be found all over our kitchen counter, on the kitchen ceiling, and most importantly...all over Laura. Ironically not a drop was to be found on me!

So the next time you wonder...does that REALLY happen to Jay & Laura? Remember, you've seen it first hand!

Blessings~

J&L

He was BEAMING!

This weekend in Gaylord, we ran into our good friends Randy and Karen Kruzel. Ever since Karen was in High School(Randy is a taaaaad bit older) anyone who knew them knew they were going to get married. They'll celebrate 25 years of marriage here in 2010!

Anyway I want to give you a little background on Randy. He is what most people would call "A man's man". Randy was a state champion wrestler in high school who's body is as rock hard as it was when he was 18. He owns an excavating business and works with big machinery all day long. He hunts and still plays basketball and softball at full tilt. No one who knows Randy would ever accuse him of being "soft".

I say all of that because he really impressed me with the way he talked about Karen after our show. He was relaying how at this point in their life they have a lot more time together and how they absolutely love being together.

What really struck me as amazing was the glow that came to Randy's face as he was talking about his wife. I mean he was BEAMING like a bride on her wedding day! He was giddy, his eyes danced and you could just tell that this "Man's Man" was in love!

Whether you are a "Man's Man" or not, the next time you are talking about your spouse remember that glow that comes from the love you share...having trouble look at your wedding photo's and remember the spouse of your youth~~

Thanks Randy for inspiring ME!

Jay~

Change your marriage TODAY!

The University of California at Berkeley just released a study showing that couples who say "we" instead of "me" are happier. http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/22748

We have been marriage educators for 15 years and are strong proponents of the concept studied by UC Berkeley. In our book The Spark –Igniting Passion Mystery and Romance in Your Marriage. (Baker Publishing 2008). We discuss the purpose of marriage and how to build intimacy in all aspects of your relationship.

One of the key ways we tell couples they can become closer/more intimate is to eliminate the words I, me, and my from their vocabulary and replace them with we, us, and ours. Couples are amazed at how this one simple act impacts attitudes toward each other. This is also a particularly powerful tool when dealing with children. As most parents know children will play mom and dad against each other.

When approached by a child or teen about a subject that could prove controversial (ie spending the night at a friend’s house where you don’t know the family) operating as a single unit (we) can provide incredible stability and structure to the family. Simply answer the child by saying “That’s something your mom and I need to discuss and when we have and answer we’ll get back to you.”

We’re grateful to UC Berkley for quantifying this time tested truth!

Celebrate Your Marriage~~

Jay and Laura

A Marriage Question not a Political Question

As you read this PLEASE know I'm not making a Political statement here...just got me thinking.

It is said by many "pundits" that Barack Obama never has and never will admit that he is wrong. It made me ask the question, how would that translate in his marriage?

Never admitting your wrong in any relationship leads to hurt feelings, lifelong emotional scars, and dysfunction that is unimaginable.

To never admit you're wrong in marriage means that your marriage will never experience the POWER of forgiveness the JOY of grace received or the DEEP LOVE that comes from reconciliation.

My mom has said that great marriages are made by two great forgivers...I disagree, I think great marriages are made by THREE great forgivers. The Father has shown us how, now we need to trust each other, admit when we're wrong and forgive.

Never admitting your wrong may be good "politics" but it's lousy on relationships.

What do you think?

Celebrate!

Jay

Do you like Pina Colada's?

Do you remember the old 70's song entitled "The Pina Colada Song"?

The song tells the story of a man and a woman who've lost the "magic" of their relationship and in the pre-electronic age of the 70's took out a "personal ad" in their local newspaper...for you younger folks think Craig's List or Match.com...

In her Ad she writes:

"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape"

After reading the ad he responds:

"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."

They meet in the bar and realize the love that they were DREAMING of had been at their side all along.

Many marriages fall into a similar routine where couples just take each other for granted not realizing that the TRUE man or woman of your dreams is already right by your side!

So...do something crazy...share a Pina Colada...take a walk in the rain or snow...make love tonight at midnight (even though its SOOOO late) just do something that reminds you that you did marry the man or woman of your dreams!

Celebrate!

J&L

A question for the ladies~

Ladies, do you remember when you were in Jr and Sr high school how your mom would pull you aside before a dance or party and say: "Now you be careful around those boys...you know boys only 'think' about one thing!"

So here's my question ladies...why when you are sitting silently with your husband do you ask: "What are you 'thinking'"?

Well?

Jay

God Enjoys A Good Laugh!

This came across our desk today...all very compelling arguments!

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He got up because there was still work to do


Remember to laugh out loud...it's good for your health!!

J&L

Merry Christmas America?

During the last presidential election, I was told that abortion is an every four year issue...well it's not for us. The following is a note we received from our friends Matt & Sue Stack that we feel is timely and poignant.

How Ironic,

Today, many in our nation celebrate, what is for us, the most Holy of days. We believe tonight is the night when our Creator worked His greatest miracle, His greatest act of love and mercy. Tonight is the night when God gave us the gift of his only Son, the Christ Child. Jesus was more than a leader…. more than a teacher… more than a guide. Jesus was a sacrifice. His ultimate purpose was to shed His blood so that we could be reconciled to the one true God.

Yet in our arrogant and foolish hearts, we think we can do better. Daily in this country, hundreds (thousands?) of babies are sacrificed so we can pursue our false gods of selfishness, sexual pleasure, control and career “success”. And in their omnipotence, our Senate leaders just pass a bill which likely will include tax payer funding for this, our generations holocaust.

God already sacrificed a baby…His only Child… the only baby whose blood can save us. For our Senate “leaders” to choose this day, this most Holy of days, to facilitate the sacrifice of babies whose blood can do nothing…

This far exceeds irony…. This is blasphemy.

Thanks Matt & Sue!

Merry Christmas to all!

Jay & Laura~

Wedded Bliss---ters!

Today Laura and I are CELEBRATING 25 years of marriage! December 8th 1984 Laura and I said I do and committed to a life together...what a ride!

While there is no doubt we have been blessed with a great marriage and are more deeply committed to each other than ever, marriage is not always "Bliss". In fact marriage can be filled with a lot of "Bliss--ters".

You know what a blister is, its that annoying little irritation that can bring a lot of pain. Marriage can be filled with "Bliss-ters" those annoying little irritations that CAN bring a lot of pain.

If you have a blister on your heel from that new pair of shoes and you leave it unattended it will fester and grow and could result in long term damage to your foot...don't want to go into what gangrene looks like!

The same is true about marriage "Bliss-ters". We ALL find things about our marriage or spouse that annoy and irritate and as a result we have to attend to the problem.

Just like a blister on the foot, marriage "Bliss-ters" require the right kind of attention. "Dress" your marriage "Bliss-ters" with the salve of loving communication and the bandage of Grace and you will find it healing in no time.

While we're celebrating today, we're also dealing with a "Bliss-ter"...just keepin it real friends just keepin it real!

Here's to 25 years with my BRIDE!


J&L